110 Clam Jokes That Are Esp-SHELL-y Funny!

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Are you looking for a new way to make your family laugh? Why not try some clam jokes! They are sure to get a few giggles, and they are easy to remember too. So get ready to laugh as you give these clam jokes for kids a try!

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Families that laugh together, stay together. That’s a saying for a reason! Jokes are a great way to bring families closer together and have some fun. They can also help break the ice when family members haven’t seen each other in a while. Sharing jokes as a family helps build relationships while having fun together.

If you want to share more jokes as a family be sure to check out these 140 Pirate Jokes for Kids That Will Have You Hooked.

Do your kids love jokes?

Grab these fun joke cards for them to laugh at all the time! These make great lunch box jokes, joke card series, bedtime laughs, and more!

Grab your set now! There are over 50+ pages of jokes included! This is a digital download, so it is easy! Just download, print, and enjoy!

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The Best Clam Jokes

purple clam with pink border with a clam joke
  • Q: How does a clam learn to play an instrument? Mussel memory!
  • Q: What is a clams favorite beach? Mussel beach.
  • Q: What did the pirate call his pet clam? Michelle.
  • Q: How did the mollusk hide from the fish? Clamouflage.
  • Q: Why did the clam visit the physiologist? He pulled a mussel.
  • Q: What would happen if a shellfish witnessed a mafia killing? He would clam up.
  • Q: Where do mollusks go to find lost luggage? The clams department.
  • Q: What do you call a funny oyster? A clamedian.
  • Q: What do you call a rich clam? Elon Mollusk.
  • Q: What do clams do on their birthday? They shellabrate.
  • Q: Why don’t clams give to charity? Because they’re shell fish.
  • Q: What do you call a paralyzed clam? Shell shocked.
  • Q: What did the clam do when he ran out of gas? He went to the Shell station.
  • Q: How do clam call their friends? On shell phones!
  • Q: What’s the hardest part about being friends with a clam? Getting them to come out of their shell.
  • Q: How to clams call their friends? On a shell phone.
  • Q: What would a clams do with a smartphone? It takes a lot of shellfies.
  • Q: What kind of helmet does a clam wear? A shell-met.
  • Q: How does an clam answer the phone? Shello?
  • Q: What do you call a girl clam? A she shell.
  • Q: What pictures do clams take? Shell-fies!
orange clam with pink border with a clam joke
  • Q: Why is is so hard to get a pearl from a clam? Because they’re a little shellfish.
  • Q: Why did the clam leave the party early? He pulled a mussel.
  • Q: What’s an clam’s favorite band? Pearl Jam.
  • Q: What do you call Bruce Lee stuffed in a clam? A crustacean.
  • Q: Why do clam enjoy being cooked? It raises their shellfish steam.
  • Sure, Aphrodite poses naked in a giant clam shell, she’s a goddess. But when I do it, I’m ”drunk’ and ‘no longer welcome at the aquarium’.
  • Q: What is the female equivalent of a sausage fest? A clam bake
  • Q: Did you hear about the clam that could play violin? It had excellent mussel memory.
  • Q: Did you hear what happened when the chef accidentally added yeast to his clam chowder instead of flour? By the time he found out it was quite a soup-rise.
  • My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish.
  • You might say a New England clam chowed her.
  • How is it “the world is your oyster”? When I’m always chasing that clam
  • Q: What do you call a clam that lifts? A hoyster
  • …it’s like what the mussel said to the clam… “I wouldn’t wish that on an anemone!”
  • Q: How do shellfish get high? At a clam bake
  • Q: Why did the clam get dumped? Because he was shellfish!
  • Did you know that tornadoes can displace shellfish? Apparently the locals in danger areas are able to identify oncoming bad weather due to the shellfish preceding it. They call it the clam before the storm.
  • Last time I went fishing I caught some sort of clam and got hurt, but I don’t quite remember the rest of the day. All I really know is that I pulled a mussel.
  • Q: Why did the clam get in an accident? He was talking on his shellphone.
  • Q: What did the clam say when a crab attacked him? Kelp!
  • Q: What do you call a greedy clam? My Ex-Wife.
purple clam with pink border with a clam joke
  • Q: What do you call a timid Canadian shellfish? A cool clux clam.
  • I went to Boston and ate some chowder last Thursday. It was the clam before the storm.
  • Q: Why was the fish and his crew so scared of the clam’s crew? Because they were nothing but mussel.
  • Q: Why did the shrimp and the clam get a divorce? They were two shellfish.
  • Q: What do you call two shellfish causing accidents? Clam-ities
  • Q: What did the teenage clam do when he saw an oyster? He clummed in his pants.
  • Beautiful clams don’t look out for others. They’re pretty shellfish.
  • Q: How’d the clam cross the river? Took a taxi crab.
  • A health insurance company is offering a cheaper deal to anyone who ticks a box that says they promise not to eat shellfish. They call it their No Clams Bonus.
  • Q: What do you call a shellfish Action movie star? Jean Claude Van Clam.
  • My dyslexic brother-in-law eats shellfish for anxiety… He says it clams him down.

Clam Puns

  • Ask the guy to clam up please.
  • To avoid clam-ity, we need to make sure we protect mother nature.
  • The mollusk had to pay a fine because he parked in a clam-ping zone.
  • Keep clam and carry on.
  • Don’t panic and stay clam.
  • The clam always comes before the storm.
  • Wu Tang clam is a really good hip-hop group.
  • After getting jumpscared, he made an ex-clam-ation of shock.
  • She clam-ed to be the best mollusk on the block.
  • He was so scared his hands were clammy.
  • She clam-bered out of the boat seasick.
  • She was clam-oring for attention.
  • I’m as happy as clam be.
  • The sad shellfish was clam-enting about his fate.
  • Don’t clam the door behind you.
  • They hung the poster on the clam-post.
  • aww, shucks…
  • He was one tough shucker.
  • That really shucks.
  • Shucks to be you.
  • It’s chow-der time.
  • Chow down on some of these super cool puns.
  • Razor clams – The sharpest and coolest looking shellfish in the ocean.
  • He had really big mussels.
  • You’re my pearl-fect fit.
  • I think you’re su-pearl cool.
  • You need a pearl-mit to do business.
  • As pearl (per) the captain’s orders.
  • I love to collect bum-pearl (bumper) stickers
  • My kid was a little hy-pearl after eating too much sugar.
  • Its time to say bye-valve.
  • My parents went to the mall-usk. (mollusk)
  • It all starts with s-hello.
  • Shell yeah, bro!
  • We have shell-ected the best snail jokes.
  • That was a really shell-fless act.
  • Don’t be so shell-fish.
  • Seek and you shell find.
  • Ooh! Take a shell-fie!
  • You’re my spe-shell one.
  • Shell-ebrate good times!
  • Shellfish are pretty shell-ow when it comes to choosing friends.
  • Snail puns are absolutely shell-arious.
  • To beach or not to beach.
  • Are you shore about this?
  • Can you keep a sea-cret.
  • Hide and sea-k.
  • He was the sea-nior.
  • I’m feeling fan-sea.
  • Is this life or is this fanta-sea?
  • My sea-gnificant other.
  • I’m prone to sea-zures.
  • The police sea-zed the party.
  • The world is your oyster.
  • Oy, hello there!
  • I’ll see you on the oyster side.
  • I’ve got oyster matters to attend to.
  • I got my oys on you.
  • The shellfish was pretty m-oyst.
  • I’ve never dated a clam but i have pulled a few mussels.

Do you have some more favorite clam jokes? Share them in the comments so we can add them to the list!

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