165 Pea Jokes That Will Make You HAP-PEA!

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If your family is like most, you probably enjoy a good joke every now and then. Especially when it comes to laughing together as a family! So, with that in mind, we’ve gathered some of the best pea jokes out there. (Yes, jokes about green peas!!) Hopefully, you’ll find some great jokes that will have everyone laughing together.

2 pea pods with white text that says "pea jokes" with green background

Jokes for Kids

Kids love jokes. They are always eager to hear a good one, and they often enjoy telling them as well. Jokes can make kids laugh, but they also offer a level of entertainment that is unique to this age group. In addition, jokes can help kids learn new words and understand more complex concepts. If you are looking for some funny jokes that your kids will love, you have come to the right place!

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The Best Pea Jokes

2 pea pods with gray border with a pea joke written
  • If you’re in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
  • Q: Did you know that humans started out as peas? That’s why we’re called homosa-pea-ns.
  • Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
  • I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
  • I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
  • I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
  • Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
  • I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
  • Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
  • My mum makes peas for every meal. I’m sick of her reci-peas.
  • I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
  • I’ll be right back, I need to go for a pea.
  • I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It’s a masterpeas.
  • I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn’t very hap-pea.
  • My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn’t appeal to me.
  • I hate lentils but I love peas. They’re more ap-peas-ing to my palate.
  • My best friend said we’re like two peas in a pod. I’m confused, there’s only one P in pod.
  • Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she’s become too snap-pea.
  • We’re like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It’s making me quite unhap-pea.
  • I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
  • If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
  • There was an announcement on the news the other day, we’ve finally achieved world peas.
  • Pea eaters hate noisy people. They just want peas and quiet.
  • I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
  • My sister’s trying to get famous. She’ll never make it, she’s just a wanna-pea.
  • I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn’t eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
  • My wife won’t let me become a bean farmer. Why won’t she just let me work in peas!
  • I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn’t taste how I imagined.
  • The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn’t release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
  • Vegetarians can’t eat anything with beans in. They don’t eat food with a pulse.
  • Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it’s a hummuside.
  • I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
  • I’ve written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it’s called “Mind your peas and queues.”
  • I know a pea that’s a famous singer. He’s a VIP.
  • I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
  • Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
  • The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can’t pea soup.
  • I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as ‘o’s.’
  • My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
  • Q: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
  • Q: What do you find when you swallow peas whole? Inner peas.
  • Q: What do you call two peas in a pod? Peepee.
  • Q: Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged? It had to wear a pod cast.
  • Q: What’s a dads favorite kind of peas? Peas and quiet.
  • Q: What do you get with surprise peas? et legs.
  • Q: How do you make a blueberry? You strangle a pea.
  • Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world? Peas (peace) on earth!
  • Q: What do you call an angry pea? Grum-pea!
  • Q: What’s the gardener’s favorite novel? War and Peas.
  • Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy? Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
  • Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers? He went into a different field!
  • Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane? They wanted to be air pods.
  • Q: Why did the pea sell his car? The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
  • Q: Where did the snap pea go to have a few drinks? The salad bar!
  • Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm? It was in a seedy part of town.
  • Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close? They had deep roots.
  • Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters? Because they want peas and quiet.
  • Q: What kind of shows do green peas like? Pod casts.
  • Q: What made the green pea turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
  • Q: How are coffee beans like teenagers? They’re always getting grounded!
  • Q: What vegetable comes from outer space? Green beings.
  • Q: How do you make a blueberry? You strangle a pea.
  • Q: What do you call a pea that falls off your plate? An Esca-pea!
  • Q: What do you you call a sleeping pea? A resti-pea!
  • Q: What’s thanos’ favorite legume? Snap peas.

Pea One-Liners

  • Real peas of work.
  • I just want to keep the peas.
  • I don’t care, just do as you peas.
  • I’m desperate for some peas of mind.
  • Don’t worry, pea happy.
  • Oh snap! I spilt my peas!
  • If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
  • Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
  • Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.  
  • You make me hap-pea, we’re like two peas in a pod.
  • I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
  • The twins are like two peas in a pod.
  • World peas.
  • We come in peas.
  • Peas out, yo~
  • My cat pea-d on the floor.
  • Could you help me, peas.
  • Peas be mine.
  • Try to peas (please) me.
  • Don’t worry, pea happy.
  • Spread hap-pea-ness.
  • I’m so hap-pea.
  • Do you want a peas of me?
  • Peas of cake.
  • Easy pea-sy!
  • The peas (beast) inside.
  • Pea-k a boo!
  • The party is starting to pea-k (pick) up.
  • The climb to the pea-k of the mountain.
  • This is pea-k comedy.
  • You pea-qued my interest.
  • I’m really slee-pea.
  • Don’t be such a grum-pea person.
  • She really doesn’t like cree-pea movies.
  • It was a bump-pea ride.
  • Don’t re-pea-t your mistakes.
  • One pea salad, and make it snap-pea. (snappy)
  • My friend is a little dope-pea.
  • The pea that rolled off my plate was an esca-pea.
  • I use pea puns to ap-peas her.
  • She slept as soon as her head touched the pea-llow.
  • I love little pup-peas.
  • My friend has a thera-pea session this afternoon.
  • She was a real pea-ple person.
  • Reci-pea for disaster.
  • Peas-za – Why would you ever put peas on pizza.
2 pea pods with gray border with a pea joke one liner written
  • Pea-Rex – A huge monstrous green, but round, lizard.
  • Pea-cock – A show-offy vegetable.
  • Pea-geon – When peas take flight.
  • Pea-g – Peas that love to roll around in mud.
  • Centi-pea-de – About 100 peas walking in a line.
  • Hip-pea – Peace loving peas that are all about nature.
  • Zom-pea – The scariest vegetable to exist.
  • Pea-nuts – The craziest vegetable out there.
  • Pea-ña Colada – What peas like to drink at a party.
  • I’ll get it done in a split second.
  • They split up last year.
  • I pod my pants.
  • I forgot to bring my air pods.
  • Have a pod-ductive day ahead.
  • The pod-igals son.
  • That is one hot chick!
  • Tongue in chick jokes.
  • I have a bag of chicks up my sleeve.
  • A one chick pony.
  • Chick or treat!
  • Blood is chick-er than water.
  • See snow evil, hear snow evil.
  • There’s snow way that happened.
  • Time waits for snow man.
  • Take it snow (slow).
  • A snap decision.
  • Oh, snap! I forgot about her birthday.
  • Don’t be so mushy.
  • I love you so mushy.
  • I will seed you later.
  • Sweet dreams dear!
  • You’re so sweet.
  • Sweet heart.
  • Sweet victory~
  • Don’t leaf me alone!
  • I don’t care about work, I’m on my leaf.
  • Do you have anything plant for tonight?
  • Let me plant one on ya!
  • I wet my plants.
  • Plant a kiss on me.
  • Peas are absolutely plant-tastic.
  • You grow dude!
  • I’m sexy and I grow it.
  • I’m rooting for you!
  • The root of happiness is…
  • Carrots always perform outstandingly in their field.
  • You’re my soil-mate.
  • Can you pick up the groceries? I haven’t botany.
  • Someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
  • Have you met herbivore?
  • Vegan (we can) go to the gym tonight.
  • This is just the vegan-ning.
  • Give peas a chance.
  • To pea or not to pea – Shakespea

Do you have some other favorite pea jokes? Share them in the comments so we can add them to the list!

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