The Best Train Jokes For Kids That Will Make You LOL

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All aboard for some big laughs! You’ll love our list of train jokes for kids! They are perfect for any age, and will keep your whole family giggling! 

featured image: train jokes for kids with an image of a laughing train

If you love hilarious jokes, you are on the right track! Whether you are traveling by train or you just think trains are cool, these train jokes for kids are just the ticket for hours of fun and laughter. You’ll want to share these jokes again and again!

Our train jokes for kids are family-friendly and good, clean fun! You won’t find yourself getting steamed up when your kids memorize them and repeat them to their friends. If you love these jokes, keep the fun times rolling by checking out our spy jokes for kids and our donut jokes for kids!

How do you find a train joke?

I love that jokes are endless. My kids really enjoy sharing new jokes with everyone, especially around the kitchen table. We are even known to share new jokes learned in the car after school. If you are wondering how you find a train joke just ask a friend, open a book, or take a look at the jokes listed below. Learning new jokes really helps increase your memory skills as well as helps brighten a day.

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pin image: train jokes for kids with an image of a laughing train

The Best Train Jokes for Kids

Q: Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween?

A: They only run a skeleton service.
train jokes for kids question: Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? A: They only run a skeleton service on a brown background

Q: Why are ghosts no good at running a railway?

A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!

Q: What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers?

A: Oh good! A chew chew train!

Q: What kind of a car does a crazy man drive?

A: A LOCOmotive.

Q: Why did the train have bubble gum?

A: Because he wanted to go Choo Choo.

Q: How do locomotives hear?

A: Through the engineers!

Q: What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum?

A: A chew-chew train.

Q: Why are the railroad tracks angry?

A: Because people are always crossing them.

Q: What do you give a train driver for Christmas?

A: Platform shoes!

Q: Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted?

A: Because he’s not a conductor!
train jokes for kids question: Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? A: Because he’s not a conductor! on a green background

Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a steam locomotive?

A: The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”

Q: How do you find a missing train?

A: Follow the tracks.

Q: What do you call a train that sneezes?

A: Achoo-choo train.

Q: What do you call a locomotive with a cold?

A: A choo choo train.

Q: How can you tell a train just went by?

A. You can see it’s tracks!

Q: Why did the monster eat the caboose?

A: The locomotive told it to choo choo.

Q: What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home?

A: He had to give it back!

Q: What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing?

A: Its shadow.

Q: Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains?

A: Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.

Q: What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time?

A:  “Choo choo!”
train jokes for kids question: What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? A:  “Choo choo!” on a green background

Q: If an electric train is heading north, which way would the steam be coming out?

A: There wouldn’t be any. It’s an electric train.

Q: Why is that train engine humming?

A: It doesn’t know the words.

Q: What do you call a pretend railway?

A: A play station
 
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Q: When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?

A: When it’s on the train.

 Q: What did Thomas say after Gordon helped him out of the mineshaft?

A: Tank you, Choo awesome.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Thomas Train and Shakespeare?

A: Toby or not toby, that is the question!

Q: Why is Duck not a very useful engine?

A: Because his windshield is qwacked.

Q: How did the locomotive get so good at it’s job?

A: Training.

Q: How do you find a missing train?

A: Follow the tracks.

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Quintus.

Quintus who?

Quintus the next train arrive?
train jokes for kids: WKnock, knock! Who's there? Quintus. Quintus who? on a green background

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Wenceslas.

Wenceslas who?

Wenceslas train home?

Q: What do you call a train that eats toffee?

A: A chew, chew train.

Q: Why was the train late?

A: It kept getting side tracked.

I tried to get a job as a railway conductor,

but they didn’t think I had enough training.

It’s hard to find anyone with more focus than a conductor.

They have complete tunnel vision.

Q: How does a train avoid detection?

A: It covers its tracks.

I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed.

He told me it was hard to keep track.

If you spend too much time walking on railroad tracks it might leave you feeling run down.

The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job.

He was there come train or shine.

You can always tell when a train driver is stressed because they bite their rails.

train jokes for kids: You can always tell when a train driver is stressed because they bite their rails on a brown background

I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day.

I took advantage of an end-of-the-line sale.

It’s always great working with a train conductor.

They’re always ready to take one for the steam.

Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry. Make sure you don’t yank their train!

Make sure you don’t yank their train!

 
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Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor.

They’re quite at-track-tive.

There’s a guy I know who has been a big fan of monorails since he was little.

I guess he’s just really into one-liners.

A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesn’t go down the wrong track and lose his train of thought.

No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late.

It’s a slowcomotive.

The train conductor was feeling silly and decided to wear platform shoes to work.

I’ve always been a big fan of a funny one-liner.

I guess that’s why I like monorails so much!

Being a conductor is more difficult than it looks.

Every detail needs to be kept track of.
train jokes for kids: Being a conductor is more difficult than it looks. Every detail needs to be kept track of on a brown background

The conductor kept telling me funny train puns,

and it was hard to keep a freight face.

Teachers and railroad security are more similar than you might think.

One of them trains the mind, while the other one minds the trains.

The train conductor worked hard and got offered a promotion.

It was a tram-endous opportunity.

The conductor was overloaded with work,

but he just kept chugging along.

We ended up canceling our trip because all of our plans went down the train.

Q: Why can’t you trust a train?

A: Because it has loco motives.

Q: Why did the pioneers use covered wagons to move out west?

A: They didn’t want to wait 40 years for a train.

An electric train can only operate…

If there’s a conductor.

Q: How does someone become a conductor?

A: They train.

Q: Why did the train go to the sauna?

A: To blow off some steam.
train jokes for kids question : Why did the train go to the sauna? A: To blow off some steam on a green background

Q: There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught?

A: No, he covered his tracks.

Q: Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?

A: He was a good conductor.

I used to want to work on the railroad.

But I realized it would require too much training.

Q: Why do dictators prefer trains to cars?

A: A good conductor means less resistance.

To those people who play loud music on the train…

Where do you get off?

Q: How do trains drink?

A: They chug.

I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago…

I can’t help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.

A train conductor gets arrested for committing crimes in his home town.

The judge wants to know his local motive.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the railroad track?

A: To get to the other siding.

Q: Which train car has antlers?

A: The Camoose.
train jokes for kids question : Which train car has antlers? A: The Camoose on a green background

Q: Why couldn’t the train sit down?

A: It had a red caboose!

Q: Why can’t the train engineer be shocked?

A: Because he’s not a conductor!

Q: Why couldn’t the steam engine sit down?

A. It had a tender behind.
 
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Q: Who investigates railroad crimes?

A: Scotland Train-Yard

Q: Why can’t Duck help the other engines on Sodor?

A: Because his windshield is qwacked.

Q: Why was the Model Railroader tossed out of the party?

A: He spiked the punch.

Q: Why did the geared locomotives never marry?

A: They were the only ones never coupled.

A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.

Went to a railway fancy dress party.

Everyone was wearing platforms.

Ticket inspectors.

You’ve got to hand it to them…
train jokes for kids question: Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them… A: The Camoose on a green background

A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition.

He lost on points.

Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains?

He had to keep track of everything!

Q: What’s the angriest piece of track?

A: A cross tie.

Q: Did you hear that they’re making a new fuel additive out of grapes in France?

A: Yeah, they call it “Vin Diesel”.

 Q: Why did the railroad magnate choose a name for his railroad that had a single letter abbreviation, “S”?

A: So that when his box car rolled by everyone would say “Hey! Look at that S car go!”

Q: Why doesn’t anyone like to play volleyball with a track worker?

A: Because they keep spiking the ball.

Q: Why is the track gauge 4′ 8-1/2″ wide?

A: Because it is the mean distance between the neck and ankles of damsels in distress.

An elderly lady walked into a Toronto ticket office and asked for a ticket to New York. “Do you want to go by Buffalo?” inquired the ticket agent.

“Certainly not!” she answered indignantly, “I want to go by TRAIN!”

Said to a railroad engineer: “What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.”

The reply from the railroad engineer: “How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?”

Q: Why is it not safe to doze on trains?

A: Because they run over sleepers.
train jokes for kids question: Why is it not safe to doze on trains? A: Because they run over sleepers. on a brown background

Reading between the lines can be extremely dangerous,

particularly if you are at a train station.

Remember the good old days of railways,

when everyone had plenty of esteem.

Knock, knock! 

Who’s there?  

Ivan.

Ivan who?

Ivan working on the railway.
 
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Knock, knock! 

Who’s there? 

Levin.

Levin who? 

Levin on a steam train.

Knock, knock! 

Who’s there? 

Mister.

Mister who? 

Mister last train home.

Knock, knock! 

Who’s there? 

Quintus.

Quintus who? 

Quintus the next train leave?

Knock, knock! 

Who’s there? 

Alpaca. 

Alpaca who? 

Alpaca the suitcase, you see what time the train leaves.

Knock, knock! 

Who’s there? 

Betsy. 

Betsy who? 

Betsy of all, the train ticket says first class.

Knock, knock! 

Who’s there? 

Chew.

Chew who? 

You sound like a chew-chew train.

Knock, knock! 

Who’s there? 

Wenceslas.

Wenceslas who? 

Wenceslas train home?
train jokes for kids: Knock, knock! 
Who’s there? Wenceslas. Wenceslas who? on a brown background

Q: How do find out how heavy a whale is?

A: By taking it to the whale weigh station.

Q: What did the train driver say to the lady who wanted to know how long the next train would be and if it would run on time?  

Same as usual madam; it has four carriages and it will run on rails.

Q: What did the train track say when he walked into the bar with the motorway?

A: A pint for me please, and one for the road.

Q: What’s the difference between a teacher and a steam train?  

A: One tells you not to chew gum, while the other says “Choo-choo”.

Q: What do you call a sick locomotive?

A: A train with a coal-d.

Q: Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning.

A: Right at the track of dawn.

When things look bad you just have to keep calm and carriage on.

The conductor’s mailbox is always stuffed with letters. He receives plenty of freight mail.

Railroad workers aren’t what they used to be. In the good old days,

all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam.

A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time.

They all have one-track minds.
train jokes for kids: A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time. They all have one-track minds. on a green background

I swear train conductors never get in trouble.

They always seem to have a get out of rail free card.

I was going to ask the conductor a question when he walked by,

but I was too afreight to ask.

The troll that lives under my local railway bridge really is my arch enemy.

I always tell my kids to stay well clear of any Train tracks…

…except “Drops of Jupiter”. That one’s ok.

Q: Why are trains so chill with where their kids are?

A: They can simply ‘track’ them.

What are your favorite train jokes for kids? Share in the comments so we can add them to the list!

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