Need some good laughs? Our Viking jokes for kids are just what you need to tide you over! These clean and hilarious jokes will have everyone giggling uncontrollably!
Do your kids love jokes? Conquer their boredom with these Viking jokes for kids! Each joke is so clever and funny, you won’t be able to stop laughing. You can’t afford to miss these jokes; you’ll want to tell them again and again!
Our Viking jokes for kids are clean and kid-friendly, so you won’t find yourself saying “argh” when you hear your kids repeating them. They’ll want to memorize them and share them with all of their friends! For more clean jokes, sail over to our dragon jokes for kids and our mermaid jokes for kids!
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The Best Viking Jokes for Kids
Q: What do Vikings play when they’re on a long journey?A: Cards – because they always have a deck.
Q: How did the Vikings send secret messages?A: Norse code.
Q: Why was the Viking’s ship feeling better?A: It was heeling.
Q: What does every Viking do on their birthday?A: They get older!
Q: Why did the Viking buy an old boat?A: Because he couldn’t afjord a new one!
Q: Which Viking rides around on Halloween to scare people?A: The Headless Norseman.
Q: Why did the Vikings keep their money on an elevated sea floor?A: It was a bank.
Q: Why did it take so long for the Viking sailor to pull it up the anchor?A: It was farther than he FATHOMed (fathom is a unit of length, usually for depth)
Q: Why was Thor avoiding his brother?A: He Odin money.
Q: Why did it take Thor so long to find his brother?A: He couldn’t Lokite him.
Q: Who is Thor’s favorite singer?A: MC Hammer
Q: What kind of dog do Vikings like most?A: Great Danes.
Q: How did Vikings wash their clothes?A: They used tide!
Q: Which famous Viking men were born on your birthday?A: None – only babies are born!
Q: How many Vikings did it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None – they didn’t have electricity back then!
Q: Where did the teacher send the Viking when he got sick in class?A: The school Norse.
Q: What do Eric the Red and Jabba the Hut all have in common?A: They both have the same middle name.
Q: How do Norseman cook their food?A: On a Viking range.
Q: Where do ghosts like to go sailing?A: Lake Eerie
Q: Who was the librarian at the Viking library?A: Erik the Read
Q: Who always liked to rake the Viking’s lawn?A: Leaf Erikson
Q: Where do zombie Vikings like to go sailing?A: The Dead Sea
Q: How do Viking sailors say hello to each other?A: They wave.
Q: How big was the shipwrecked Viking ship?A: It was capsized.
Q: What does every Viking birthday end with?A: The letter Y.
Q: Why was the Viking put in time-out?A: He was naughty-cal.
Q: Where do Vikings play checkers?A: Overboard.
Q: Why did the Viking ship crash into the dock.A: It was closer than it a-PIER-ed
Q: Why was the Viking sailor so early for the party?A: He got there Schooner than expected.
Q: How old was the Viking sailboat?A: Wind Age. (Windage is the wind resistance of a boat)
Q: What was the Viking’s favorite letter of the alphabet?A: C (Sea)
Q: Why did the Viking get heartburn after eating birthday cake?A: He forgot to take off the candles.
Q: What do Vikings eat on Friday?A: Sword fish.
Q: What are the only notes a Viking can sing?A: High C’s.
Q: What was the Viking’s favorite color?A: Gold!
Q: What do Vikings do on Black Friday?A: Shop the sails.
Q: Why was the Viking ship so cheap?A: It was on sail.
Q: How do Vikings get down from their ship’s mast?A: They can’t – you only get down from a goose.
Q: Why couldn’t anyone play cards with the Viking sailor?A: He was standing on the deck.
Q: How can you turn a Viking into the leader of Iceland?A: Take away the “V” and “I” and you have a king.
Q: What did the ocean say to the Viking?A: Nothing – it just waved.
Q: Why does it take Vikings so long to say the alphabet?A: They spend years at C.
Q: When do Vikings buy their clothes?A: When they’re on sail.
Q: What has 6 arms, 6 legs and 6 eyes?A: 6 Vikings.
Q: Why couldn’t the Viking get out of bed the day after running a marathon?A: He was too Thor to move.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, “It’s going to rain.”
His wife asked, “How do you know?”“Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.”
Q: What do you call a vegetarian Viking?A: Norvegan.
Q: Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?A: He was Bjorn again.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Q: When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?A: Norse America.
Q: Why are Scandinavian women so hot?A: The Vikings didn’t bring back the ugly ones.
Q: Wanna here a joke about Vikings?A: Never mind, there’s Norway you’d laugh at it.
Q: How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?A: With a Nor-Ouija board.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We’ll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Q: Where does a Viking keep their baby?A: In the Norsery.
Q: What is a Viking’s favorite music?A: Ragnarock.
Q: What do you call a Viking who’s been bitten by a vampire?A: Norseferatu.
Q: Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?A: Y’allhalla.
Vikings aren’t afraid of death.They know they’ll be Bjorn again.
Roman soldiers are trained.But Vikings are Bjorn.
Q: Why were the Vikings such good sailors?A: You can lead a Norse to water but you can’t make him sink.
Q: Where do Vikings go when they get old?A: The Norsing home.
Q: What does vikings call english villages?A: Chopping centers.
Q: What stories did Vikings tell their children?A: Norsery Rhymes
Q: Did you know that most of the Viking raiders were children?A: Because it takes a child to raze a village.
Q: How do Vikings get each other’s attention?A: They ValHolla!
Q: What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?A: “I’m in it for the longhall.”
Q: What are the Vikings favorite drink?A: Mini Sodas.
Q: Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?A: Vowel-halla.
Q: What does a Viking call his truck?A: A Fjord.
Q: What do you call a Viking soldier’s trusty steed?A: A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Q: What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?A: Barberians.
Q: What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?A: It’s either my way or Norway!
Q: Where did the Viking buy his guitar?A: At Nordstrom’s!
Q: What do the Minnesota Vikings and a car in the junk yard have in common?A: Neither one has a title.
Q: Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?A: Because of their skills in hacking.
Q: What did the Viking say when hanging out his laundry?A: “Today is a good day to dry.”
A Viking explorer came home to find that his name was missing from the town register.His family complained to the town officials, one of whom said, “I’m so sorry! I must have taken Leif off my census.”
My girlfriend said if I don’t stop my obsession with Viking culture she’ll fight me to the death.“Jokes on you” I said “if I die in battle I’ll go straight to Valhalla”.
Q: Have you guys seen Viking Wars?A: It stars Harrison Fjord.
Q: What do you get when you have the ghost of a French Viking?A: Paranorman.
Q: Did you hear about the viking cannibal?A: He had a Swede-tooth.
Q: What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?A: Valhallo there.
Q: What do you call a dead Viking?A: A Viked.
I’ve decided to join Anytime Fitness.Because I like to dress up as a 12th century Viking Warrior when I work out.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
How was the viking party?Pretty Loki.
Don’t send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone.Or they’ll be runed.
Q: What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?A: The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:“You wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”.
Q: What happens to funny vikings when they die?A: They go to Val-haha!
Q: What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?A: Aesir what you did there.
Vikings weren’t exactly the best at drinking contests.They were quite MEADiocre.
Q: Why don’t the Vikings have high doorknobs?A: Because of Loki.
So I asked my Viking friend to write something nice in my autograph book.But all he could do was rune it.
Q: Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?A: Its so they can scan-de-navien!
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes,there’s a disturbance in the Norse!
Q: Where did the vikings dogs go after their death?A: Ballhala.
Q: Who succeeded the Vikings?A: The Z-kings!
Q: What do you call a viking graphic designer?A: Rasterix!
Q: How can you tell if you’re at a classy Viking restaurant?A: They have Valhallet parking!
Q: How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?A: They use a Sven Diagram.
An old Viking teaching young ones…Once we land and enter a vilage, look for a church. If there is a church there is nothing left to pillage in the village, so just go directly to the church.
Q: What’s the difference between a painkiller addict and an Anglo Saxon?A: One overtakes Vicodin and the other overtakes a Viking den!
Q: What’s a Viking’s favourite social media?A: Raid-it!
What are your favorite Viking jokes for kids? Share in the comments so that we can add them to the list!
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