Kids love jokes! And what better way to get them interested in eating their vegetables than by telling them vegetable jokes? Here are some of our favorites.
Vegetable Jokes for Kids
Do you like to tell jokes? Kids sure do! Here are some of the best jokes for kids. They’re silly, funny, and a little bit cheesy – but kids love them! Try out these vegetable jokes at your next family gathering and see how much fun you can have. Just be careful – you may end up with more laughs than you bargained for!
Do your kids love jokes?
Grab these fun joke cards for them to laugh at all the time! These make great lunch box jokes, joke card series, bedtime laughs, and more!
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Vegetable Jokes Sure To Make Your Kids Laugh
Q: What’s small, red and whispers?
A: A hoarse radish.
Q: Why are mushrooms always invited to parties?
A: Because they are such fungis.
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a vegetable patch?
A: Potatoes have eyes, the beans-talk and the corn have ears.
Q: What’s the fastest vegetable?
A runner bean.
Q: What do you call a table you can eat?
A: A vegetable.
Q: What do you call a vegetable heist?
A: A farmed robbery.
Q: What is green and goes to camp?
A: A brussels scout.
Q: What vegetable did Noah leave off the ark?
A: The Leek.
Q: What vegetable do chickens grow?
A: Eggplants.
Q: What kind of flower shouldn’t be put in a vase?
A: Cauliflower.
Q: Which martial art are vegetables good at?
A: Carrotee.
Q: What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch?
A: Picking his nose.
Q: What did one carrot say to the other carrot?
A: Is it orange in here, or is it just me?
Q: Why did the carrot get embarrassed?
A: Because it saw the chickpea.
Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A: It all smells like carrots to me.
Q: What did the carrot say when it was told that the swede had won the school writing competition?
A: That’s a turnip for the books.
Q: What did the carrot say to the celery?
A: I know I’m popular, but please stop stalking me.
Q: What did the carrot say to the gardener at the country fair?
A: I’m rooting for you; I’m certain the others won’t beet you.
Q: Why do potatoes keep falling out with each other?
A: They can never see eye to eye.
Q: Why is it impossible to get angry with a yam?
A: Because they’re such sweet potatoes.
Q: Who is the smartest potato in the vegetable patch?
A: I yam.
Q: What did the sweet potato say to the kale?
A: I yam what I yam.
Q: What do you call a stolen spud?
A: A hot potato.
Q: How do you cheer up a baked potato?
A: You butter her up.
Q: What do you call a baby potato?
A: A small fry.
Q: Why did the potato buy suntan lotion?
A: So thought she may need it to stop her peeling on holiday.
Q: When should you harvest potatoes?
A: On fry-day.
Q: Why is lettuce the kindest vegetable?
A: Because it’s got heart.
Q: Why did the cucumber get angry?
A: Because it was in a pickle.
Q: What is long, green and slowly turns red?
A: A cucumber holding its breath.
Q: Which vegetable loves roller coasters?
A: Celerweeeeeeeeeeeee.
Q: How do you fix a broken tomato?
A: With tomato paste.
Q: What did the salad greens say to the hungry kids?
A: We’ll make your mouth and your tummy happy, if you lettuce.
Q: Where did the cucumbers go on their date?
A: The salad bar.
Q: What is a kayaker’s favourite kind of lettuce?
A: Row-maine.
Q: How did the vegetables ask for a pay rise?
A: Lettuce have a raisin celery.
Q: What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato when they were out walking?
A: Ketchup.
Q: Why couldn’t the lettuce relax?
A: Because she wasn’t cool as a cucumber.
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Q: What did the lettuce say to the tomato?
A: You hang around and I’ll go ahead.
Q: What is an elephant’s favorite vegetable?
A: Squash.
Q: What is a librarian’s favorite vegetable?
A: Quiet peas.
Q: What’s a gym instructor’s favorite kind of vegetable?
A: Spin-ach!
Q: What’s is a dressmaker’s favorite kind of vegetable?
A: A string bean.
Q: What is a plumber’s favorite vegetable?
A: Leeks.
Q: What is a taxi driver’s favorite kind of vegetable?
A: A cab-bage.
Q: What is a cat’s favorite vegetable?
A: As-purr-agus.
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
A: Because it’s full of ears.
Q: What is the strongest vegetable?
A: A muscle sprout.
Q: What do you call a retired vegetable?
A: A has bean.
Q: How did the gardener mend his jeans?
A: With a vegetable patch.
Q: What do you call a fast fungus?
A: A mush-vroom.
Q: What kind of vegetable always gets jealous?
A: A green bean.
Q: Why does everyone love the vegetable band?
A: They always play a good beet.
Q: Why do cabbages always win races?
A: Because they know how to get a-head.
Q: What vegetable grows in basements?
A: Cellar-y.
Q: Why did the corn stalk get angry with the farmer?
A: He kept pulling her ears.
Q: What happens when you leave corn in the barn for too long?
A: It gets cob-webs.
Q: What did the baby corn of corn call his dad?
A: Pop corn.
Q: What do vegetables want more than anything in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth.
Q: What do you get when two peas fight?
A: Black-eyed peas.
Q: What’s the most uncomfortable kind of vegetable?
A: Spin-ouch.
Q: Which vegetable is best at kung fu?
A: Brock Lee.
Q: What did the organic vegetables die of?
A: Natural causes.
Q: Why do fungi have to pay extra on the bus?
A: Because they take up too mushroom.
Q: If you have five cabbages in one hand and six cauliflowers in the other hand, what do you have?
A: Big hands.
Q: What was the cause of the veggie protest?
A: An information leek.
Q: Why was the artichoke feeling sad?
A: It had a broken heart.
Q: What do you call a bean that’s envious of another vegetable?
A: A jelly bean!
Q: What do you call beans that have been in the sun too long?
A: Baked beans!
Q: Why did the klutzy and gossipy chef get fired?
A: He couldn’t stop spilling the beans.
Q: Why did the farmer lose the comedy competition?
A: His jokes were too corny.
Q: Have you tried the best corn in the country?
A: It’s ear-resistable!
Q: What did the ear of corn say when its crush complimented it?
A: “Aww, shucks!”
Q: What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal?
A: The unicorn.
Q: What’s the highest position an ear of corn can get in the military?
A: Kernel.
Q: Did you hear about the piece of corn that got in trouble?
A: It got quite the earful.
Q: Did you hear about the two bunnies’ engagement?
A: One of them got a 10-carrot ring!
Q: What’s a carrot’s favorite movie?
A: The Carrot-tie Kid.
Q: Why did the carrot make a hair appointment?
A: Its roots were showing.
Q: What’s a carrot’s favorite song?
A: Carrot On Wayward Son.
Q: Why did the carrot visit a psychic?
A: To get its carrot cards read.
Q: Why was the snowman embarrassed when shopping for carrots?
A: It was picking its nose.
Q: What’s a carrot’s favorite drink?
A: Root beer.
Q: What happened to the lettuce farmers who had their crops stolen?
A: They lost their heads!
Q: Did you hear about the hardworking lettuce bunch?
A: It was promoted to head of its department!
Q: Why did the head of lettuce get all dressed up?
A: It was going on a romaine-tic date.
Q: What did the man do with his days-old salad?
A: He tossed it.
Q: Why was the celery embarrassed?
A: It walked in on the salad dressing.
Q: Why was the salad so tired?
A: It was tossing and turning all night!
Q: Why did the tomato stay after school?
A: To ketchup on its schoolwork.
Q: What did the pizza say to the tomato?
A: “Don’t get saucy with me!”
Q: Why was the DJ a hit at vegetable parties?
A: She dropped good beets.
Q: What school superlative did the happy beet get?
A: Most up-beet.
Q: What did the tomato yell to its broccoli getaway driver after robbing a bank?
A: “Floret!”
Q: What’s broccoli’s favorite music genre?
A: Brock n’ roll.
Q: Why did cauliflower try to cheer up broccoli?
A: It was feeling a little melon-ccoli.
Q: What did the waitress say when the restaurant ran out of broccoli?
A: “Sorry, we’re out of stalk.”
Q: What do you get if you cross broccoli with a vampire?
A: Count Broccula.
Q: Why is broccoli a royal vegetable?
A: It has crowns.
Q: What’s the difference between broccoli and cauliflower?
A: Cauliflower is just broccoli that’s seen a ghost.
Q: What type of flower shouldn’t be put in a vase?
A: A cauliflower.
Q: What do you call a cauliflower that’s growing at the edge of the garden?
A: A border cauli.
Q: Why did the bee buy a phone?
A: To cauliflower.
Q: Why do onions live underground?
A: Because they have many lairs.
Q: What do you call an onion that jumps up and down?
A: A spring onion.
Q: Why did the woman start crying when her boyfriend proposed?
A: Because he gave her an onion ring.
Q: What do you call an onion that’s small and laughs a lot?
A: A tickled onion.
Q: What do you call a lazy spud?
A: A couch potato.
Q: Why do potatoes fall out with each other?
A: Because they can’t see eye to eye.
Q: Why is it hard to get angry with a yam?
A: Because they’re such sweet potatoes.
Q: What do you call a stolen spud?
A: A hot potato.
Q: What do you call a Disney movie about vegetables?
A: A fairy kale.
Q: Did you hear about the carrot that outran the rabbit?
A: He lived to tell the kale.
Q: What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers?
A: Ones with turnips.
Q: Why couldn’t the turnip go to the party?
A: It was grounded.
Q: What vegetable is always cold?
A: A chilli.
Q: Why was the artichoke feeling sad?
A: Its heart was broken.
Q: What’s a plumber’s favorite vegetable?
A: Leeks.
Is a jalapeño hot?
No, it’s actually a little chilli.
Q: What’s a baby chick’s favorite vegetable?
A: An egg-plant.
There was once a girl that only ate plants.
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
Q: What is the strongest vegetable?
A: A muscle sprout.
Q: What kind of vegetable likes to look at animals?
A: A zoo-chini!
Q: What is a zucchini’s favorite game?
A: Squash!
Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans?
A: With a cabbage patch!
Q: What’s the strongest vegetable?
A: A muscle sprout
Vegetable Knock Knock Jokes
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and you’ll find out.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Bean.
Bean who?
Bean a while since I saw you.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time to help me pick some veggies for dinner.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Hugo.
Hugo who?
Hugo that way to pick the vegetables.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Philip.
Philip who?
Philip the basket with vegetables, please.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Juicy.
Juicy who?
Juicy who ate all the vegetables?
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Nano.
Nano who?
Nano who ate all the vegetables?
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Turnip.
Turnip who?
Turnip the radio, please.
Vegetable Puns And One-Liners
- Vegetable puns make me feel good from my head tomatoes.
- I buy my girlfriend vegetables every valentine’s day; she thinks I’m corny.
- We lost our dog when we went to the market to buy vegetables; if you see him, lettuce know.
- Just turned down a job at my local vegetable shop; the celery was unacceptable.
- Can I get some peas and quiet?!
- I’m kale-ing it a day.
- Peas don’t go.
- Where have you bean all my life?
- Bean there, done that.
- Thank you for bean-ing a friend.
- You’re a-maize-ing
- The corn farmer doesn’t like to make plans—he prefers to play everything by ear.
- I really carrot-bout you!
- Of course carrots like sports—they love rooting for their favorite team.
- I do not carrot all.
- Romaine calm!
- Lettuce know if you’re having a good time.
- Care to chat for the romaine-der of the meeting?
- You won’t be-leaf this!
- Lettuce romaine friends after all this.
- That romaines a mystery…
- Lettuce entertain you.
- I’ve never made Caesar salad before—but I can take a stab at it.
- The salad got into a fight with its friend and said some harsh words—now, it’s full of vin-regret.
- Is it too-mate to say sorry?
- I love you from my head to-ma-toes!
- Does it really ‘mater?
- You’re un-beet-lievable.
- You make my heart skip a beet!
- Beet it!
- You brock!
- A laughing stalk
- Broc’ n’ Roll
- Broc on!
- Time to celery-brate
- You look radishing
- I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
- Lettuce turnip the beet
- Romaine calm
- Lettuce know
- That’s shallot of onions
- Don’t beet around the bush
- My heart skipped a beet
- Don’t stop the beetroot
- Don’t miss a beet
- I think, therefore I yam
- I yam so impressed
- Taters gonna tate
- I yam what I yam
- Don’t kale my vibe
- Ha ha! You kale me
- Dressed to kale
- Kale-ing it today
- That’s a turnip for the books
- Is there a turnip ahead?
- Turnip the volume
- Eat, drink and be rosemary
- That’s sage advice
- Parsley the test
- Do you need some encourage-mint?
- I just don’t have the thyme
- Never a dill moment
- We’re mint to be
- Bay-leaf in yourself
- Herb your enthusiasm
- Party thyme!
- Good chives only
- A little chilli
- Chard times
- Red pepper day
- Don’t be chilli
- Egg-plant a kiss
- Going into un-chard-ed territory
- You pepper believe it
- Olive you so much
Love Jokes? Laugh with These!
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- Hilarious Knock Knock Jokes
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- Guess What Jokes
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