Animal Jokes

Q: Why did the fox go for a duck? Because he was rubbish at cricket.
Q: When do ducks usually wake up? At the quack of dawn!
Q: What’s the difference between a tree and a moose? I don’t know? No wonder you’re failing biology
Q: A goat, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff… Baa-dum-sss!
Q: What did the bored goat say? Mehhh!
Q: What did the goat say when it pranked the cow? Just kidding
Q: How do you stop a goat from charging? You unplug it!
Q: What do you call a goat that likes cleaning? A room-BAAA!
Q: What do you call a goat that likes country music? Billy Ray Cyrus!
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.
Q: How do you fit more pigs on your farm? Build a sty-scraper!
Q: What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk? An udder failure.
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers!
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
Q: Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.
Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison!
Q: Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee? She got too jumpy!
Q: What steps do you take if a tiger is running toward you? Big ones!
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? “Ouch!”
Q: What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Q: How are a cat and a sentence different? A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a sentence has a pause at the end of its…
Q: Why did the pig have ink all over its face? Because it came out of the pen.
Q: Why do cows never have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry!

Q: What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An Investigator!
Q: Where do mice park their boats? At the hickory dickory dock.
Q: There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left? None, because they were copycats!
Q: How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night? With flood lighting.
Q: What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? “Pleased to eat you.”
Q: What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog!
Q: How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Q: Why do the French eat snails? They don’t like fast food.
Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
Q: A man walks into a zoo, the only animal is a dog. It was a shitzu
Q: What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? Shear madness.
Q: What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? Itenticle.
Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
Q: Why is a bee’s hair always sticky? Because it uses a honey comb!
Q: Why are fish so good at watching their weight? Because they have lots of scales.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snake with a tasty dessert? A pie-thon!
Q: What do you get when two giraffes collide? giraffic jam
What’s the smartest animal? A fish because they stay in schools!
Q: How much money does a skunk have? One scent!
Q: Why did the whale cross the street? To get to the other tide.
Q: Where do orcas hear music? Orca-stras!
Q: What fish only swims at night? A starfish!
Q: Why are fish so good at watching their weight?  Because they have lots of scales!

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Q: Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll
Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court!
Q: Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the other ssssssside!
Q: What do you call a cow that won’t give milk? A milk dud!
Q: When is a well dressed lion like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion)
Q: What’s a goat’s favorite TV show? Britain’s Goat Talent!
Q: What do you call a goat who paints pictures? Vincent Van Goat!
Q: Why is it hard to have a conversation with a goat? They always butt in!
Q: Why did the goat run off the cliff? It didn’t see the ewe turn!
Q: What’s 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 1/2 goat? Chicago!
Q: What do you call a goat with a beard? A Goatee!
Q: What’s a goat’s favorite musical? Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat!
Q: Why are goats from France so musical? Because they have French horns!
Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed.
Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? “Ruff!” 
Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers? They have two left feet.
Q: What did the Dalmatian say after lunch? That hit the spot!
Q: What do you call a duck that gets all A’s? A wise quacker.
Q:  Why does a seagull fly over the sea? Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
Q: What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis!
Q: Where would you find an elephant? The same place you lost her!
Q: What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!
Q: What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!

Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.
Q: Why don’t elephants chew gum? They do, just not in public.
Q: What was the first animal in space? The cow that jumped over the moon
Q: What did the banana say to the dog? Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
Q: Why did the whale cross the street? To get to the other tide.
Q: My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.
Q: What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie-talkie!
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant? Swimming trunks!
Q: What type of market should you NEVER take your dog? A flea market!
Q: What does a dolphin say when he’s confused? Can you please be more Pacific?
Q: Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk
Q: What was the first animal in space? The cow who jumped over the moon.
Q: Why do cows go to New York? To see the moo-sicals!
Q: Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?A: Because he’ll hog the ball!
Q: Why did the pig have ink all over his face? Because he just came out of the pen.
Q: How long do chickens work? Around the cluck!
Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian? He felt funny!
Q: What fish only swims at night? A starfish!
Q: Why is a fish easy to weigh? Because it has its own scales!
Q: What do you call a goat on a mountain? A Hillbilly!
Q: My pet snake is exactly 3.14m long…It’s a π-thon! Number jokes
Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?Because their kids have to play inside!
Q: What did the mummy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web!
Q: What is black and white and red all over?  A sunburned zebra.
Q: How do you fit more pigs on your farm?  Build a sty-scraper! 
Q: What animal has more lives than a cat? Frogs, they croak every night!
Q: What is a cat’s favorite breakfast? Mice krispies
Q: Who makes dinosaur clothes? A dino-sewer.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? A try and try and try-ceratops!
Q: What pine has the longest needles? A porcupine.
Q: What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?Use a pen.
Q: Why does a giraffe have such a long neck? Because his feet stink!

Q: How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!
Q: What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks.
Q: What happened when the skunk was on trial? The judge declared, “Odor in the court, odor in the court!”
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Q:  What do you call a fish without an eye? A fsh.
Q: What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie-talkie.
Q: What kind of snake would you find on a car? A windshield viper!
Q: Why are tigers, terrible storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
Q: What kind of bird works at a construction site? A crane.
Q: What does a fish say after sharing a new idea? Let minnow what you think
Q: Can a wallaby jump higher than a building? Of course …  buildings can’t jump!
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Q: What did the pinniped think of our last joke? That’s the sealiest thing I’ve ever heard!
Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on the top of a barn?  An eggroll.
Q: What happens to a toad’s car when it breaks down?  It gets toad away.
Q: What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?  “Should we walk home or take a dog?!”
Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?  Bison!
Q: What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you? Big ones!
Q: What do you call a chicken at the North Pole? Lost!
Q: What kind of ties do pigs wear? Pig sites!
Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic? His bark was much worse than his bite!
Q: What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?  You can’t tuna fish!
Q: What was the first animal in space? The cow that jumped over the moon.
Q: Which dog breed is guaranteed to laugh at all of your jokes?  A Chi-ha-ha!
Q: What kind of math do owls like? Owlgebra
Q: Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee? She got too jumpy!
Q: Why did the baby elephant need a new suitcase for her vacation?: She only had a little trunk.
Q: How long do chickens work?  Around the cluck!
Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like chameleons.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Q: Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
Q: What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
Q: Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be called “bagels”!

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Q: Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs?  A cloud.
Q: Why did the cow go to space?  To see the moooon!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A python.
Q: Why did the squirrel bring a ladder? To go nuts.
Q: What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?  Because they don’t know the words!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Q: What do you call a bear that’s been caught in the rain? A dampened bear.
Q: What’s a bear’s favorite soda? Coca-Koala.
Q: What did the grape say when it got stepped on?  Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
Q: What do you call a pig that knows karate?  pork chop.
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?  Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?  A bird that talks your ear off and then eats you.
Q: Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?  Because then they’d be bagels.
Q: What’s a frog’s favorite candy?  Lollihops.
Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.
Q: What do you call a dog that can play the piano?  A pianist.
Q: Why did the fish blush?  Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
Q: What do you call a fly without wings?  A walk.
Q: Why did the monkey like the banana?  Because it had appeal.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?  Ground beef.
Q: Why did the chicken join a band?  Because it had the drumsticks.
Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?  Because they make up everything, just like chameleons.
Q: What do you call a bear that’s been caught in the rain?  A dampened bear.
Q: Why did the elephant bring a suitcase to the zoo? Because it wanted to pack its trunk!
Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?  A woolly jumper.