140 Funny Halloween Jokes That Tickle Your Funny Bone

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Gather ’round and pull up a gravestone—, I mean, a chair! I hope you brought your funny bones, because it’s time to laugh like a hyena who just watched a werewolf trip over a pumpkin with these Halloween jokes! We’re diving into the devilishly delightful domain of Halloween jokes to prepare you for Spooky Season. So get your witches’ hats and vampire fangs ready because it’s about to get spooktacular in here!

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Before you start chanting “Jokes! Jokes! Jokes!” like a crowd of zombies, picture this: It’s a moonless night, the wind is rustling, and the neighborhood kids are plotting their candy heists in their adorable mini-monster costumes. You open your door, and there they are—instead of just handing out candy like everyone else, you tell them a Halloween joke to give them a laugh and a piece of candy!)

So, without further ado, let’s sink our teeth into these Halloween jokes like a vampire at a blood bank on payday. Trust me, after this, you’ll be the afterlife of the party! Are you ready? Too late, here we gooooo!

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Best Halloween Jokes

white background, purple border saying Halloween jokes with an image of a castle, flying witch in a broom and ghosts
  • Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
  • Q: Why didn’t the mom let the little witch go trick or treating with her friends? She was ex-spelled from school.
  • Q: What did the ghost say when he realized he’d been cheated? I’ve been bam-BOO-zled!
 
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  • Q: What do ghosts drink? Mountain Boo.
  • Q: Have you heard about the poor witch who became a millionaire? It was a rags to witches story.
  • Q: What do you get when you put a spider on an ear of corn? A cobweb.
  • Q: Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have no body to love.
  • Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.
  • Q: Why don’t witches wear flat caps? There’s no point in it. 
  • Q: Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
  • Q: Why did the Headless Horseman get a job? He was trying to get ahead in life.
  • Q: What is white, black and dead all over? A zombie trick or treating in a tuxedo.
  • Q: What’s a zombie’s favorite song? Teenage Scream
  • Q: What do ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing cream.
  • Q: What do you call a spider with 20 eyes? A spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider.
  • Q: Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
  • Q: What do birds say on Halloween? Twick or tweet.
  • Q: What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a billionaire? A very witch person.
  • The skeleton couldn’t help being afraid of the storm— he just didn’t have any guts.
  • Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
white background, purple border saying Halloween jokes with an image of a purple witch hat
  • Q: When do zombies finish trick or treating? When they are dead tired.
  • Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Ice scream sandwich.
  • Q: What kind of rocks do ghosts collect? Tombstones.
  • Q: The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it and the user does not see it. What is it? A coffin.
  • Q: What is a witch’s favorite class? Spelling.
  • Q: Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
  • Q: Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
  • Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music!
  • Q: What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers.
  • Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
  • Q: Why shouldn’t an angry witch take her broom trick or treating? She might fly off the handle.
  • Q: Why can’t werewolves play basketball? They get too many howls.
  • Q: How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.
  • Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat? When you’re a mouse.
  • Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to go with.
  • Q: Why is a witch like a candle? They’re both wicked to the core.
  • Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
  • Q: Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!
  • Q: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
  • Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred? Spooktacles.
white background, purple border saying Halloween jokes with an image of a full moon and bats
  • Q: How do ghosts do their makeup before they go out trick or treating? They use vanishing cream.
  • Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite TV show? “Big Fang Theory.”
  • Q: What do witches’ cats eat for breakfast? Mice krispies.
  • Q: What is a pause in work at a mortuary called? A coffin break.
  • Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I scream.
  • Q: Have you seen the Twin Witches? I can’t tell witch is witch!
  • Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
  • Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch!
  • Q: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
  • Q: What can you catch from a vampire in winter? Frostbite.
  • Q: What do vampires take to get around on Halloween night? A blood vessel.
  • Q: What’s a zombie’s favorite band? The Dead Hot Chili Peppers.
  • Q: Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
  • Q: What kind of monster loves to disco? The boogieman
  • Q: Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
  • Q: What did the witch do when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked home.
  • Q: What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
  • Q: Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib!
  • Q: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
  • Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires? Fangs-giving!
white background, purple border saying Halloween jokes with an image of a pumpkin with a text "trick or treat" and candies inside
  • Q: Why did the skeleton run away? Because a dog was after his bones.
  • Q: Why did the ghost quit his job? They kept making him work the graveyard shift.
  • Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner? He was already stuffed.
  • Q: How can you tell that vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.
  • Q: What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
  • Q: Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
  • Q: Why did the zombie go to school? To improve his deaducation!
  • Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
  • Q: How does a witch know the best time to go trick or treating?  She checks her witch watch.
  • Q: How did Dracula learn to be a vampire?  He took a crash corpse.
  • Q: What is a monster’s favorite pet? Creepy crawlies.
  • Q: Are any Halloween monsters good at math? No—unless you Count Dracula!
  • Q: Where do ghosts like to trick-or-treat? Dead ends.
  • Q: What do you call two witches in a haunted house? Broommates.
  • Q: Why don’t mummies have friends? They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
  • Q: Why was the math book sad on Halloween? Because it had too many problems!
  • Q: Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store!
  • Q: What’s it like being kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
  • Q: Which plants love Halloween the most? Bam-Boo!
  • Q: Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
white background, purple border saying Halloween jokes with an image of a text saying "BOO!" in purple and orange color
  • Q: Why didn’t the zombie go to school? He felt rotten.
  • Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
  • Q: Why couldn’t the little witch read her spellbook? It was written in curse-ive.
  • Q: What’s a ghoul’s favorite bean? A human bean.
  • Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
  • Q: What sound do witches make when they eat cereal? Snap, Crackle & Pop!
  • Q: What does a little witch use to bake? An easy bake coven.
  • Q: When do cows turn into werewolves? During the full moooooon.
  • Q: What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car? Fasten your sheet-belts.
  • Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner? Spook-hetti!
  • Q: What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween?  Pillowcases.
  • Q: What does a witch like to read in the newspaper? Her horror scope.
  • Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bad breath.
  • Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Boo-berry pie!
  • Q: What kind of horse do ghosts ride?  A night-mare
  • Q: Where do fashionable ghosts shop?  Bootiques.
  • Q: What does a ghost put on his turkey?  Grave-y.
  • Q: What kind of shoes do ghosts wear?  Boo-ts.
  • Q: How do witches play loud music? On their broom boxes.
  • Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo!
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  • Q: What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.
  • Q: What type of art do skeletons like? Skulltures.
  • Q: Why did the vampire become a banker? He was good at making “blood” investments!
  • Q: Who did the little monster ask for when he was scared? His mummy.
  • Q: How do you know vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.
  • Q: What is Dracula’s favorite cake flavor? Vein-ella.
  • Q: Why don’t ghosts lie? Because you can see right through them.
  • Q: What’s a werewolf’s go-to pickup line? Howl you doin’, good lookin’?
  • Q: Why did the vampire fail art? He only knew how to draw blood.
  • Q: What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?  Will you marrow me?
  • Q: How do witches stay safe when flying? They use broom seatbelts!
  • Q: Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?  Because a dog was after his bones!
  • Q: Where does a vampire eat his lunch? In the casketeria.
  • Q: What kind of muffins do ghosts prefer? Boo-berry.
  • Q: What do you call a hip jack-o’-lantern? Waaay ahead of the carve.
  • Q: What do ghosts tell around the campfire? Scary human stories.
  • Q: What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed.
  • Q: Did you hear about the skeleton who went to the hospital? He ate a jawbreaker.
  • Q: Why did the monster eat a light bulb? Because he wanted a light snack!
  • Q: Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch? He couldn’t spell.
white background, purple border saying Halloween jokes with an image of a witch riding a broom
  • Q: What do skeletons fly around in? A scareplane or a skelecopter.
  • Q: Why do skeletons love to drink milk? It’s good for the bones.
  • Q: What do skeleton dogs eat? Milk bones.
  • Q: Why did the ghost go to the doctor? Because it had a boo-boo!
  • Q: What did one owl say to the other owl on Halloween? “Happy Owl-oween!”
  • Q: How do you mend a broken gourd? With a pumpkin patch.
  • Q: Why can’t a vampire go to a barbecue? They’re afraid of stakes.
  • Q: What is a zombie’s favorite appetizer? Finger food!
  • Q: Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? It raises their spirits.
  • Q: Why don’t skeletons like to go out in the winter? The cold goes right through them.
  • Q: Where does a mummy go on vacation? The Dead Sea.
  • Q: What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
  • Q: What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? A sax-a-bone.
  • Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite snack? A cinnabone.
  • Q: What’s a pumpkin’s favorite fruit? Orange.
  • Q: What is a ghost’s favorite day of the week? Fright-day!
  • Q: What did the child mummy want to be when he grew up? A wrap star.
  • Q: Who does Dracula get letters from? His fang club.
  • Q: What is a ghost’s favorite fairytale? Sleeping Boo-ty.
  • Q: What does the vampire’s Valentine say? You’re just my blood type.
white background, purple border saying Halloween jokes with an image of a half face black cat
  • Q: Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees? They’re LUMBARjacks!
  • Q: What does a werewolf eat for breakfast? A pooched egg.
  • Q: What kind of pumpkins work at a pool? Life-gourds.
  • Q: What does a ghoul put on its pizza? Monster-ella cheese!
  • Q: Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite? Neck-tarine!
  • Q: Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts.

Do you have some favorite Halloween jokes that we forgot? Share them in the comments so we can laugh too!

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