Sailor Jokes

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Set sail into a sea of laughter with our collection of sailor jokes! Perfect for maritime enthusiasts, sailors, and landlubbers alike, these jokes navigate through the humorous side of life at sea.

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From quirky quips about life on a boat to punny encounters with pirates, our sailor jokes capture the essence of nautical humor. They are ideal for sharing during boat trips, at dockside gatherings, or to add a splash of fun to your day. Dive into our treasure trove of sailor jokes and let the waves of laughter roll in – no lifejacket required!

Sailor jokes are great for a laugh among friends, especially in gatherings where nautical themes are appreciated, like boat parties or coastal get-togethers. Whether it’s about navigating the vast ocean, dealing with seagulls, or the classic interactions between sailors and pirates, these jokes are sure to bring a wave of laughter.

If you love jokes about the sea check out our 116 Best Sea Jokes That Make Waves of Laughs

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Sailor Jokes

  • How long did the sailor wait? Until the bitter end.
  • What are 3.14% of sailors? Pi-rates!
  • Why couldn’t the sailor play cards? The captain was standing on the deck.
  • What do you do with a drunken sailor? Worry he’s gonna get wrecked!
  • Why did the sailor always carry a bar of soap? Because he liked to wash up on shore!
  • Why did the sailor cross the ocean? To get to the other tide!
  • My wife was talking about funeral plans. My Wife: “We’ll give you a military send-off like the sailors on a ship.” Me: “I was in the Air Force.” My Wife: “OK, we’ll toss you out of an airplane.”
  • How do sailors party? They throw anchor!
  • What is the name of the boat that is famous among people? Relation-ship.
  • When does a dog become a sailor? When he embarks.
  • Why do sailors make great singers? They’re always hitting the high Cs.
  • Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecasted? It’s the clam before the storm!
  • What happens if you throw a Finnish sailor overboard? Helsinki.
  • Can you go pick up my boat? It’s at the dock. Oh no! Is it sick? You should give it some vitamin sea.
  •  Where do sailors go when they feel sick? The dock-tor.
  • Why did the sailor join the golf club? He wanted to improve his swing!
  • Why was the kid so happy about dreaming of sailing in a sea full of soda? Because it was just a Fanta-sea.
  • Why was the sailor always unhappy? He constantly had a stern look on his face!
  • What do you call a pirate who’s had too much to drink? Captain Blackout!
  • Why did the sailor keep his money on an elevated sea floor? It was a bank.
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  • What do tech-obsessed pirates wear? An i-Patch!
  • I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor. He was in the wrong craft.
  • At the Regatta, the blue sailboat hit the red one… They were marooned!
  • How do retired sailors greet each other? Long time no sea.
  • How does a sailor like his coffee? Seamen!
  • Where did the flying boat land? At the air-port.
  •  Why don’t sailors like buying new hats? They’re afraid of cap sizing.
  • I just bought a really expensive barge pole… I thought I’d push the boat out!
  • How did Viking sailors communicate? They used Norse code.
  • A guy goes out on a friend’s yacht and asks, “Don’t these cheap yachts sink all the time?” His brother answers: “All the time? If it’s gonna sink, it’ll only be once!”
  • Why did the sailor take up painting? He wanted to master the art of sea-scape.
  • Why did the drunken sailor throw a stick of butter out the window? He wanted to see a butterfly!
  • How do you know a sailor is drunk? He starts using port and starboard as directions on land.
  • Why did the drunk sailor take a shower? He wanted to wash ashore.
  • Why did the drunken sailor go to the dentist? He had a case of sea grit!
  • How do you make a drunken sailor walk the plank? Just tell him it’s the gangway to his cabin.
  • Where do late sailors come from? Missed-his-shippi.
  • Why did the sailor get a tattoo of a wheel on his belly button? So he could steer himself in the right direction!
  • Why did the dolphin chase the boat? To find its porpoise!
  • Where do sailors make change for a dollar? On the quarterdeck.
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  • Which sailors blow their noses most often? The Anchor Chiefs!
  • Why did the sailor ground his son? His grades were below sea level.
  • Two sailors were talking, the first one said, “My girlfriend just sailed to the Caribbean.” “Jamaica?” The other one asked. “Heck no! She’d been wanting to  go for a long time.”
  • A sailor walks into a thrift store after he lost a limb to a giant octopus. He said, “I heard this is a second-hand shop, where they at?”
  • Where there is a wave, there is a way.
  • Why did the sailor fall asleep? Because he went snore-kling.
  • What’s a sailor’s favorite detergent? Tide!
  • A ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint. The sailors were marooned.
  • When is it time to paint another coat on a pirate ship? When it’s timbers be shivering!
  • What is a sailor’s least favorite vegetable? Leeks.
  •  How does a sailor ask for a second cup of coffee? “Aye aye, captain!”
  • When did the sailor get a knockout? When he was boxing the compass.
  • Who is the fastest sailor in the world? Usain Boat!
  • Where does a sailor who can’t control his temper go? Anchor management.
  • What do British sea monsters eat? Why fish and ships, of course!
  • Why did the sailor refuse to play cards with the deckhands? He heard they were all a bunch of cheaters!
  • What do you call a sailor who is always complaining? A crabby captain!
  • Why do pirates have such a hard time remembering the alphabet? They get lost at “C”.
  • Where do zombies go sailing? In the Dead Sea.
  • What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck!
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  • What do you call a sailor who’s always on time? A punctual pirate!
  • How was the sailing business going on in the boat? The sails were going through the roof!
  • Why did the sailor bring a salt shaker with him? To put it on the leach.
  • What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it was RRR, but it’s actually the C they love most!
  • Why does it take sailors ages to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.
  • Pirate at the pirate awards: “And I would like to thank me wife, me daughters, and last boat not least, my ship!’
  • What was the sailor getting ready to do? To warship!
  • What do sailors eat for breakfast? Boatmeal!
  • What kind of boat do sailors learn their trade on? An apprenticeship.
  • What do sailors get when they’re finally cured of writer’s block? A tidal wave.
  • How do you make a sailor angry? Take away his anchor!
  • What do you call a boat that doesn’t use naughty words? A censor-ship.
  • Why did the sailor refuse to get a tattoo? Because he didn’t want to be marked for life!
  • Why do sailors eat so many carrots? It helps them sea better!
  • When is a sailor, not a sailor? When he’s aboard!
  • Why can’t you tickle a sailor? Because they’re nautical-ish.
  • I went to the Black Friday sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
  • What do you call a lazy sailor? Anchored to the sofa!
  • What did the sailor say when the Coast Guard accused him of speeding? I did knot!
  • Which movie do sailors like to watch the most? The Codfather.
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  • When do sailors eat dinner? Maritime.
  • Why were all the sailors only on the front of the ship? Because otherwise, they’d get astern talking to.
  • Why is the boat always getting great deals? It loves a sail.
  • Why did the sailor join the gym? To get some sea legs!
  • Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie? He’s a squashbuckling pirate.
  • Why did the sailor go shopping? Because they were having a sale.
  • How do you know when a boat is feeling affectionate? When it hugs the shore!
  • Why don’t sailors ever play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
  • What is so fascinating about the iceberg named Bluetooth? Any ship that will go near it will sync!
  • Why are sailors so indecisive? Because they’re always far from shore.
  • How do you rejuvenate an old boat? Boat-tox.
  • Why did the sailor get a tattoo of a ship on his chest?
  • Because he wanted to be captain of his own vessel!
  • Why are sailors terrible database administrators? They try to make all of the data float.
  • How do you make a sailor laugh? Just tell him a joke that’s anchored in humor!
  • What’s another name for the captain of a sailboat? A sails manager.
  • Why did the sailor go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little ship sick!
  • What do you call a sailor who’s always in trouble? A buoyant delinquent!
  • Why did the sailor go to the doctor? He was feeling a little anchor-ious.
  • What do you call a sailor who loves math? A naval-gator!
  • How do sailors communicate with each other? They use Morse guffaw!
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