Best Football Jokes That That Score Big

Hey, football lovers and touchdown jokesters! Ready to huddle up for a play of puns and pass the giggles downfield? Football isn’t just about scoring touchdowns or making impossible catches; it’s about sharing a hearty laugh whether you’re in the end zone or on your couch.

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Imagine a stadium where the players toss one-liners as skillfully as they do footballs, and the end zones are not just for spiking the ball, but for dropping punchlines, too.

Here, every helmet hides a grin, and the playbooks are filled with jokes that’ll have you tackling your friends with laughter. Why did the football team go to the bank? To get their quarterback!

In this league, the only roughing the passer is from a burst of laughter, and the only penalty is not joining in the fun. Whether you’re a wide receiver or a couch quarterback, these jokes are tailor-made for your funny bone.

So, lace up your cleats, adjust your fantasy line-up, and let’s kick off a session of rib-tickling hilarity with these football jokes that will fill game day with lots of laughs, and everyone scores with fun.

Ready for more laughs? Check out our Scarecrow Jokes and our Farm Jokes.

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Best Football Jokes

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Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a boxer.
Q: What did the football coach say to the broken candy machine? Give me my quarterback!
Q: How do you get out of a locked car if you have nothing but a football? Unlock the door and pull the handle.
Q: Why shouldn’t you play football in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!
Q: What did the college football say to the punter? “I get a kick out of you.”
Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team? Because she kept running away from the ball!
Q: Where do football players dance? At a foot ball.

Q: What do NFL football centers wear on their feet? Hiking shoes.
Q: Why was Cinderella such a poor football player? Her coach was a pumpkin.
Q: Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music? Because he broke all the records.
Q: What do you do if a running back swallows the football? You have to get him to cough it up.
Q: What did the receiver say to the football? Catch you later.
Q: Which football player wears the biggest helmet? The one with the biggest head.
Q: Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team? They needed a little team spirit.
Q: Which soccer team has nailed their formation? The Hammers.
Q: Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field? The coach told him to take a hike!
Q: How many San Francisco 49ers fans does it take to change a light bulb? None. Lava lamps don’t burn out, man
Q: Which state should the Tampa Bay Buccaneers move to? Arrrrrrrrrkansas.
Q: What happens to football players who go blind? They become referees.
Q: What is it called when a dinosaur gets a touchdown? A dino-score.

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Q: What do biology majors wear on their heads when playing football? Helminth.
Q: Why did the footballer hold their boot to their ear? Because they liked sole music!
Q: What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game? He got called for ineligible retriever downfield.
Knock, knock? Who is there? August. August, Who?
Q: What football play should you be suspicious of? The quarterback sneak.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a football player and the Invisible Man? Football like no one has ever seen.
Q: What kind of ends do you find in libraries? Book ends.
Q: What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice? “Let’s wrap this up!”
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Dallas Cowboys.
Q: What did the bumble bee running back say after getting a touchdown? Hive scored
Q: Why did the footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch? They were the skipper!
Q: When should football players wear armor? When they play knight games.
Q: What kind of tea do football players drink? Penal-tea.
Q: Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down? Someone was yanking his chain.
Q: Why did the football player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Q: What runs around a football field but never moves? A fence.
Q: Why can’t you play football with pigs? They hog the ball.
Q: Why is it always warmer after a football game? All the fans have left.
Q: What did the receiver say to the football? Catch you later.
Q: What do centers wear on their feet? Hiking shoes.

Q: What do you have when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders together? A full set of teeth.
Q: Did you hear about the NFL football field NASA built on the moon? They used astroturf.
Q: How do you get a Texas A&M player off your front steps? Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What is harder to catch the faster you run? Your breath!
Q: What NFL football play should you be suspicious of? The quarterback sneak.
Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a boxer.
Q: Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music? Because he broke all the records.
Q: Who is the leader of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Captain Hook!
Q: When is a football player like a judge? When he sits on the bench.
Q: Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a football field? Under the ghoul posts!
Q: Did you hear that some college football teams don’t have a website? They can’t string three “Ws” together.
Q: Why couldn’t Tom Brady listen to music? Because he broke all the records.
Q: So why do they call Chris Connolly a Mini Bus? Well, you could hardly call him a Coach.
Q: Which football game do cats like to watch? The Goldfish Bowl.
Q: Why are footballers like babies? They both dribble!
Q: What part of a football pitch smells nicest? The scenter spot.
Q: Who are the happiest people at the football game? The cheerleaders.
Q: Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football? The wide receiver.
Q: What does a Minnesota Vikings fan do when their team has won the Super Bowl? They turn off the PlayStation 5.
Q: What is a goalkeeper’s favorite snack? Beans on post!

Q: How are scrambled eggs like a losing football team? They’ve both been beaten.
Q: What do you call a mass gathering of Raiders fans? Prison.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton play football? His heart wasn’t in it
Q: Did you hear that the Detroit Lions football team doesn’t have a website? They can’t string three “W’s” together.
Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
Q: Which team is the chewiest? The Toffees!
Q: Which insect doesn’t play well in football? The fumble bee.
Q: Which two football teams played in the Pirate Super Bowl? The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.
Q: What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? A football coach.
Q: Which football team has the coolest helmets? The one with the most fans.
Q: How is losing money in a payphone like a football game? If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!
Q: Why did the football player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Q: Why are college football stadiums always cool? Because they’re full of fans.
Q: What do the Atlanta Falcons and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: What do football players wear on Halloween? Face Masks!
Q: What’s the difference between Richmond and a pyromaniac? A pyromaniac wouldn’t waste 22 matches
Q: Why don’t grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket!
Q: Where do hungry football players play? In the Supper Bowl.
Q: Which Super Bowl players can jump higher than the field goal posts? All of them – field goal posts can’t jump at all.
Q: Why can’t Tampa Bay Buccaneers play golf well? They always hook the ball.

Q: Where do football players go when they need a new uniform? New Jersey.
Q: Why couldn’t the NFL MVP player listen to music? Because he broke all the records.
Q: Why was the footballer upset on his birthday? He got a red card.
Q: How is a football referee like an angry chicken? They both have fowl mouths.
Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team? Because she kept running away from the ball!
Q: What do football players do when they get overheated? They get closer to some of the fans.
Q: How many Alabama freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? None. That’s a sophomore course.
Q: What runs along the edge of the pitch but never moves? The sideline!
Q: Which football player wears the biggest cleats? The one with the biggest feet!
Q: What are the three longest years of a Mizzou football player’s life? His freshman year.
Q: What’s the difference between a firefighter and the Richmond Football Club? A firefighter climbs a ladder.
Q: Where do quarterbacks go when they get old? Out to pass-ture.
Q: What part of a football pitch smells nicest? The scenter spot!
Q: How did the football pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner!
Q: Why is the New England Patriots like Hillary Clinton? Both have Bills to push around.
Q: What do you call a lineman’s kid? A chip off the old blocker.
Q: Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at mid-field? He was trying to make ends meet
Q: What do you call a boat full of polite football players? A good sportsman ship.
Q: How do football players stay cool? By standing close to the fans.
Q: What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby? One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.

Q: Why was the skeleton always left out of the football game? Because he had no body to go with.
Q: How do you keep the Detroit Lions out of your front yard? Put up goalposts.
Q: Why couldn’t the defensive football player pass his test in school? He was a tackling dummy.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tess me. Tess, me who? Tess me the football!
Q: What are successful kickers always trying to do? Reach goals.

Do you have even more football jokes you love? Share them in the comments so we can laugh too!

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