Best Soccer Jokes That Score Laughs

Hey there, soccer lovers! Are you ready to score some goals with some big laughs with these soccer jokes? The beautiful game of soccer isn’t all about fancy footwork and goals; it’s also about sharing laughs, both on and off the field.

feature image in brown background, white text saying "soccer jokes"

Ever wonder why the soccer player brought a rope to the match? He wanted to keep the score tied!

Welcome to our field of laughs. In this game, every kick comes with a side of puns and humor. Even the refs join the fun, serving up yellow cards, not for misconduct, but for punchlines that are outrageously hilarious!

Our goal today? A comedy hat-trick: to make you giggle, laugh, and gasp for air in laughter. It doesn’t matter if you’re the goal-scoring hero, the unyielding defender, or the snack-time superstar; we’ve got a joke tailored just for your funny bone. And don’t worry if your humor plays a bit offside – that’s where the unexpected laughs are!

So, strap on your cleats, adjust those shin guards, and let’s get ready to laugh with these soccer jokes!

Be sure to check out our other jokes like our Cat Jokes and our Crab Jokes.

in blue background, white text saying "soccer jokes"

Best Soccer Jokes

in post image with white background, blue border, text of a joke about soccer, and an image of a soccer ball with flame

Q: Why couldn’t anyone see the soccer ball? The defense cleared it.
Q: Why is it always warmer after a soccer game? All the fans have left.
Q: Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
Q: What time is it when a soccer team chases a baseball team? Eleven after nine.
Q: Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the internet? Because they can’t stop saving their work.
Q: What do soccer referees send during the holidays? Yellow cards.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Les. Les, who? Les go and play soccer!

Q: Why did everyone steer clear of the striker in the game? On the field, he was pretty offensive.
Q: What did the bumble bee forward say after getting a goal? “Hive scored.”
Q: Why do so many Americans play soccer? So they don’t have to watch it on TV.
Q: What is the difference between a bad soccer team and the Bermuda Triangle? The Bermuda Triangle has three points
Q: Why do soccer players do so well in school? They know how to use their heads.
Q: What position do ghosts play in soccer? Ghoulie.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dozen. Dozen, who? Dozen anyone in this town play soccer?
Q: When is a soccer player like a judge? When he sits on the bench.
Q: Which soccer player has the biggest cleats? The one with the biggest feet.
Q: What runs around a soccer field but never moves? A fence.
Q: Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear? Because he enjoyed sole music.
Q: What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? A soccer coach.
Q: What is a ghost’s favorite soccer position? Ghoul keeper.

in post image with white background, blue border, text of a joke about soccer, and an image of a soccer ball in net

Q: How do you stop squirrels from playing football in the garden? Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.
Q: Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game? For persistent fowl play.
Q: How do we know that soccer referees are happy? Because they whistle while they work.
Q: Why was the soccer field wet on a sunny day? The players dribbled all over it.
Q: Why did the soccer ball say ow? Because the man kicked him.
Q: Why does the soccer ball curse so much? Because he gets a kick out of it.
Q: What is soccer? It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen, and 20,000 referees.
Q: Why couldn’t the soccer team lose a goal? They always had a goalkeeper
Q: What soccer club do sheep like? Baaaaaaaaa-rcelona.
Q: Why did the soccer player bring string to her game? So she could tie the score.
Q: Where do soccer players go to dance? The Futball.
Q: How do soccer players stay cool during games? They stand near the fans.
Q: Did you hear about the soccer player who lived passed 100? He’s still alive and kicking.
Q: What time is it when an elephant steps on your soccer ball? Time to get a new ball!
Q: Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer? They watch cricket instead.
Q: Why can’t you play soccer with pigs? They hog the ball.
Q: What kind of tea do soccer players drink? Penal-Tea.
Q: Why was the magician the captain of the soccer team? He was the best at hat tricks.
Q: Why didn’t the dog want to play soccer? He was a boxer.
Q: Why did the defensive soccer player cross the road? To get to the other slide.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Soccer. Soccer, who? Socc-ser in the drawer.
Q: Which soccer player keeps the field neat? The sweeper.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a soccer player and the Invisible Man? He would play soccer like no one has ever seen.
Q: What happens to soccer players who go blind? They become referees.
Q: What is it called when a dinosaur gets a goal? A dino-score.
Q: What did the mummy soccer coach say at the end of practice? “Let’s wrap this up!”
Q: How did the soccer pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner!
Q: How do you get out? Unlock the door and pull the handle.
Knock, knock? Who’s there? August. August Who? A gusta go back to soccer practice!
Q: What runs around a soccer field but never moves? A fence.
Q: What do you get when you cross a soccer goalie and the Invisible Man? Goaltending like no one has ever seen.
Q: What part of a soccer pitch smells nicest? The “scenter” spot.
Q: Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball!
Soccer is the only sport that’s not a game of inches. It’s a game of feet.
Q: What is a soccer fan’s favorite grooming product? Oil of olay! Olay olay olay! Olay! Olay!
Q: What did the soccer goalie say to the ball? “Catch ya later.”
Q: Why wasn’t the nose on the soccer team? It didn’t get picked!
Q: Why was the skeleton always left out in a soccer game? Because he had nobody to play with.
Q: What do Cristiano Ronaldo and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks.
Q: Why are scrambled eggs like a losing soccer team? Because they’ve both been beaten.

Q: What’s the best state to shop for a soccer uniform? New Jersey!
Q: What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOOOOOALL!
Q: What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match!
Q: What does a soccer player say on Halloween? “Hat Trick or Treat!”
Q: How do birds cheer for their soccer teams? They egg them on.
Q: Why did the soccer player kick the grass? Because it was a pitch.
Q: Why couldn’t the all-star soccer player listen to music? Because he broke all the records.
Q: Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!
Q: What kind of soccer team cries when it loses? A bawl (ball) club.
Q: Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.
Q: What are successful forwards always trying to do? Reach goals.
Q: Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game? For persistent fowl play.

Do you have even more soccer jokes that you love? Share them in the comments!

Love Jokes? Laugh with These!

Don’t forget to subscribe to our email list so that you know when we add more great jokes to the site that will leave you laughing for hours!

How Do I Access My Joke Cards?

Fill in the form above. You will receive an email in your inbox. If you don’t see it check your spam folder! You will then click to confirm your subscription. Once confirmed, you will be taken to Airtable (a different website) where all our free printables will be waiting for you! It is free to sign up for Air Table!

How Do I Print A PDF?

You’ll need a program that supports PDFs. Adobe Acrobat is a great option. Open the program, click file, then print. Select your printer and the number of copies you want to print. Be sure you click double-sided if you want it to print on both sides.

Can I Resell These?

You may not resell any printable that you find on our website or in our resource library. You may use them for class parties, at church, at home, or in the classroom. You may get these printed at an office supply store or copy center at your own expense.